1
00:00:02,718 --> 00:00:04,485
Mike: I figured Batman never did...

2
00:00:04,587 --> 00:00:05,519
Oh, hey, Mrs. B.

3
00:00:05,621 --> 00:00:07,354
Hey, Kyle. Hi, there.

4
00:00:07,423 --> 00:00:08,789
(Groans) Hey, hon. How are you?

5
00:00:08,858 --> 00:00:09,790
- I got you, babe.
- Hi.

6
00:00:09,892 --> 00:00:10,924
- Hey.
- Come here!

7
00:00:11,027 --> 00:00:13,127
Oh! Mm. Mm. Mm.

8
00:00:13,195 --> 00:00:14,628
Oh, my goodness! (Giggling) Oh!

9
00:00:14,697 --> 00:00:16,430
(Normal voice) What was that all about?

10
00:00:16,499 --> 00:00:18,432
I'm just happy to see
anybody who's not Kyle.

11
00:00:20,970 --> 00:00:23,771
I live with him, I work with
him, I try to leave without him,

12
00:00:23,839 --> 00:00:27,141
but he hears the jingle of my keys...
...and hops right in the truck.

13
00:00:27,948 --> 00:00:30,149
You know, they're living here
to save money for a house.

14
00:00:30,179 --> 00:00:31,111
You thought it was a good idea.

15
00:00:31,213 --> 00:00:32,246
I-I know, but they saved enough money.

16
00:00:32,348 --> 00:00:33,714
A great way to celebrate...

17
00:00:33,816 --> 00:00:35,282
Get their own place. Oh!

18
00:00:35,351 --> 00:00:37,351
Well, we're not gonna kick them out.

19
00:00:37,453 --> 00:00:38,852
I... You just need
a little break.

20
00:00:38,954 --> 00:00:41,422
Why don't we go away for a few
days, take a little vacation?

21
00:00:41,490 --> 00:00:43,090
(Gasps) A family vacation?

22
00:00:43,192 --> 00:00:43,824
We're in!

23
00:00:44,860 --> 00:00:47,861
Yeah. Oh, it'd be nice to see you
guys outside of work and home.

24
00:00:47,930 --> 00:00:49,263
And let's not forget the truck.

25
00:00:49,331 --> 00:00:51,031
Let's not forget the truck. Uh, listen.

26
00:00:51,133 --> 00:00:52,966
No, we weren't talking
about the whole family.

27
00:00:53,035 --> 00:00:54,268
Oh, good. Thank God. (Laughs)

28
00:00:54,336 --> 00:00:57,004
No sense dragging those
other losers to Paris.

29
00:00:58,107 --> 00:01:00,507
You know, I've never
been on a family vacation.

30
00:01:00,576 --> 00:01:03,143
Well, one time the trailer we
lived in rolled into a ravine,

31
00:01:03,245 --> 00:01:07,448
and there was some stagnant
rain water, and we all swam.

32
00:01:07,550 --> 00:01:09,650
I wish I had pictures.

33
00:01:09,718 --> 00:01:13,153
I'm sure child services
has a few pictures of that.

34
00:01:13,255 --> 00:01:15,923
Guys, we'll have plenty of
time to reminisce on vacation.

35
00:01:16,025 --> 00:01:17,758
Mom, let me pack for you.

36
00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:20,461
I mean, I will have to be
seen with you at dinner.

37
00:01:23,032 --> 00:01:24,698
Let me kick 'em out.

38
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,200
Hell no.

39
00:01:26,302 --> 00:01:27,401
I'm doing it.

40
00:01:27,503 --> 00:01:28,703
No, seriously, it was my idea.

41
00:01:28,704 --> 00:01:29,837
No, I... I'm gonna kick 'em out.

42
00:01:29,939 --> 00:01:31,271
- You know, I've got
- ... I'm going to...

43
00:01:31,373 --> 00:01:34,408
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com

44
00:01:38,214 --> 00:01:40,547
What are you looking at so intensely?

45
00:01:40,649 --> 00:01:44,685
Oh, 5'10" of gorgeous.

46
00:01:44,787 --> 00:01:47,121
A one-bedroom apartment.

47
00:01:47,223 --> 00:01:49,223
Oh, does Vanessa know you're leaving?

48
00:01:49,325 --> 00:01:50,491
Will she throw a party?

49
00:01:50,593 --> 00:01:51,792
Oh! Can I throw a party?

50
00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:54,228
It's not for me.

51
00:01:54,330 --> 00:01:58,866
If I were leaving, I'd be in a motorcycle
with a sidecar with a dog named Boo.

52
00:02:00,336 --> 00:02:02,402
I'm kicking Kyle and
Mandy out of the house.

53
00:02:02,505 --> 00:02:04,304
Ah, it's about time those kids got out.

54
00:02:04,406 --> 00:02:06,373
It's the right thing to do. Sure it is.

55
00:02:06,475 --> 00:02:07,875
They're married, living with me.

56
00:02:07,943 --> 00:02:08,876
What are we, Italian?

57
00:02:10,012 --> 00:02:12,679
It would have made sense
100 years ago... Yep.

58
00:02:12,781 --> 00:02:15,549
Large families living together,
working the same fields,

59
00:02:15,651 --> 00:02:20,787
sharing the same bath water,
getting the same diseases.

60
00:02:20,856 --> 00:02:22,222
Maybe it never made sense.

61
00:02:24,260 --> 00:02:25,826
Well, what about Kyle's mom?

62
00:02:25,928 --> 00:02:27,461
Does she ever help him out?

63
00:02:27,563 --> 00:02:29,196
No, no. She's an awful woman.

64
00:02:29,298 --> 00:02:32,633
She's neglectful, she's
selfish, she's mean.

65
00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:35,502
I'm surprised I was never married to her.

66
00:02:35,604 --> 00:02:37,871
But still, I mean, she's his mom.

67
00:02:37,973 --> 00:02:39,173
I don't he even knows where she is.

68
00:02:39,275 --> 00:02:43,410
Last he heard, she was working
on a men's roller derby team.

69
00:02:43,512 --> 00:02:45,812
Oh. That's terrible.

70
00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,681
Kids should at least know
where their parents are.

71
00:02:47,783 --> 00:02:50,817
I didn't much care for my dad,
but I knew where he was...

72
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:56,056
in the living room screaming
"Wheel... of... Fortune"!

73
00:02:56,158 --> 00:03:00,961
After all Kyle's been through, do
you really want to kick him out?

74
00:03:01,063 --> 00:03:02,095
Not just Kyle...

75
00:03:02,198 --> 00:03:04,298
I'm also kicking his wife out.

76
00:03:05,701 --> 00:03:06,733
Roller derby.

77
00:03:06,835 --> 00:03:08,835
Wait, roller derby... that rings a bell.

78
00:03:08,938 --> 00:03:10,404
Maybe I was married to her.

79
00:03:10,506 --> 00:03:11,405
Wait a minute.

80
00:03:11,507 --> 00:03:14,208



81
00:03:15,511 --> 00:03:17,110
Hey. How was the park?

82
00:03:17,213 --> 00:03:20,781
I poked a dead squirrel with a stick.

83
00:03:20,883 --> 00:03:22,916
After he picked it up and played with it.

84
00:03:23,018 --> 00:03:25,085
Go wash your hands right now.

85
00:03:25,187 --> 00:03:27,221
I named him Dan.

86
00:03:27,323 --> 00:03:31,458
You said I couldn't have a
pet, but now I do. Okay.

87
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,327
Thanks for taking him, Eve.

88
00:03:33,429 --> 00:03:38,165
I love my son more than anything, but
to keep it that way, Mama needs breaks.

89
00:03:38,267 --> 00:03:40,167
Well, the kid sure has a great imagination.

90
00:03:40,269 --> 00:03:42,469
It must run in the family.
Yeah, you know what?

91
00:03:42,571 --> 00:03:44,605
Everyone thinks that
Ryan is the creative one,

92
00:03:44,707 --> 00:03:46,173
but should have seen my last menu board.

93
00:03:46,275 --> 00:03:49,676
(Chuckles) I drew a pig with a top hat.

94
00:03:50,746 --> 00:03:52,179
Just saying.

95
00:03:52,281 --> 00:03:57,884
So, uh, Boyd told all the kids at the
park that Ryan is an international spy.

96
00:03:58,721 --> 00:03:59,786
Okay, listen.

97
00:03:59,888 --> 00:04:02,689
Um, lately Boyd's been a little bit
self-conscious about his dad's job.

98
00:04:02,791 --> 00:04:05,425
(Gasps)

99
00:04:05,494 --> 00:04:07,194
Ryan got a job?

100
00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:13,634
Homeschool teaching is a
job that pays in smiles.

101
00:04:14,970 --> 00:04:18,005
Did I say that with a straight face?

102
00:04:18,073 --> 00:04:19,506
Ugh. Poor Ryan.

103
00:04:19,608 --> 00:04:22,509
His son is embarrassed by him.

104
00:04:22,611 --> 00:04:24,745
It would be a real shame if he found out.

105
00:04:24,847 --> 00:04:27,447
N-No, no... Don't you dare tease him.

106
00:04:27,516 --> 00:04:30,150
Sweet little Evie? Pfft.
I would never. (Scoffs)

107
00:04:30,252 --> 00:04:33,387



108
00:04:33,455 --> 00:04:35,222
Hey, how about this?

109
00:04:35,291 --> 00:04:41,695
400 square feet, 1 bedroom, 3/4
bath, newish carpet... (chuckles)

110
00:04:41,797 --> 00:04:43,597
...smokers welcome.

111
00:04:45,434 --> 00:04:46,867
That sounds terrible.

112
00:04:46,935 --> 00:04:48,835
It's on the far side of town.

113
00:04:48,904 --> 00:04:50,437
I think they'll like it.

114
00:04:52,007 --> 00:04:53,106
Hey, Mom. Hmm?

115
00:04:53,175 --> 00:04:54,708
I'm really sorry about
what I said yesterday.

116
00:04:54,810 --> 00:04:56,276
You can wear whatever you want.

117
00:04:56,378 --> 00:04:58,612
Paris is a big city.
We'll never see you. Ah.

118
00:04:58,681 --> 00:04:59,913
Well, perfect timing.

119
00:04:59,982 --> 00:05:02,249
We have something we want
to talk to you guys about.

120
00:05:02,351 --> 00:05:04,851
All right, you found out about my goldfish.

121
00:05:04,953 --> 00:05:06,820
I know. I should have told you.

122
00:05:06,922 --> 00:05:08,322
I'll pay for the water.

123
00:05:09,458 --> 00:05:13,460
It's not about your goldfish, and,
yes, you will pay for the water.

124
00:05:13,562 --> 00:05:16,863
Are you pregnant? Ooh!

125
00:05:16,932 --> 00:05:18,432
Nobody's pregnant.

126
00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:21,034
Well, my goldfish is.

127
00:05:21,136 --> 00:05:23,670
Yeah, she can barely fit in
her little castle. (Chuckles)

128
00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:27,830
I know this is probably

129
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:29,376
gonna come as a shock to you two...

130
00:05:29,445 --> 00:05:30,310
(Door bell chimes)

131
00:05:30,412 --> 00:05:31,611
Ooh, Uh... Let me
...I'll get that.

132
00:05:31,714 --> 00:05:33,480
Okay.

133
00:05:42,191 --> 00:05:45,759
Kind of left us hanging here, huh?

134
00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,296
I mean, you could just
tell us what it's about.

135
00:05:50,666 --> 00:05:51,932
Oh, I could. I could.

136
00:05:52,034 --> 00:05:53,734
Um, I...

137
00:05:57,773 --> 00:05:59,873
Uh, b-but first I need to
hear about your goldfish.

138
00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:01,875
So, uh... So,
it's pregnant, huh?

139
00:06:01,977 --> 00:06:04,378
Yeah, it wasn't when I bought it.

140
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:07,147
I have quite a mystery on my hands.

141
00:06:09,108 --> 00:06:10,189
Hey, Larabee. Come on in...

142
00:06:10,219 --> 00:06:11,418
Hey, Baxter... but make it quick.

143
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:14,087
I'm throwing a going-away party.

144
00:06:15,858 --> 00:06:18,959
I-I've been thinking about how Kyle
didn't know where his mom was,

145
00:06:19,061 --> 00:06:20,761
so I... So I
tracked her down.

146
00:06:20,829 --> 00:06:22,662
So, that's what you do during the day

147
00:06:22,731 --> 00:06:25,065
while shoplifters carry
canoes out of my store?

148
00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:27,334
No.

149
00:06:27,403 --> 00:06:29,302
I called a guy I know in
county records. Oh, no, no.

150
00:06:29,371 --> 00:06:30,771
You didn't give him Kyle's phone number.

151
00:06:30,873 --> 00:06:32,339
He doesn't want to be
in touch with his mom.

152
00:06:32,441 --> 00:06:33,673
He doesn't want to know about her.

153
00:06:33,776 --> 00:06:36,109
He doesn't have to worry about that now.

154
00:06:36,211 --> 00:06:38,111
She's dead.

155
00:06:39,982 --> 00:06:41,081
Oh.

156
00:06:41,183 --> 00:06:42,716
That's... that's
...that's terrible.

157
00:06:42,785 --> 00:06:45,452
Yeah. She died three months ago.

158
00:06:45,554 --> 00:06:47,187
Whoa. Yeah.

159
00:06:47,289 --> 00:06:48,321
How'd she die?

160
00:06:48,424 --> 00:06:50,757
Rodeo accident. What?

161
00:06:50,859 --> 00:06:53,293
How should I know, Baxter?

162
00:06:53,395 --> 00:06:56,129
They just said she was dead.

163
00:06:56,231 --> 00:06:57,431
Yeah. Thanks for telling me.

164
00:06:57,533 --> 00:06:59,032
I appreciate it, 'cause right now...

165
00:06:59,134 --> 00:07:00,467
...I was just about to tell those two

166
00:07:00,569 --> 00:07:01,835
they had to move out...

167
00:07:01,937 --> 00:07:03,137
...but I couldn't do that now.

168
00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:08,642
Well, you are kind of a terrible
person, so... you could.

169
00:07:08,744 --> 00:07:12,045
- I couldn't do that.
- Right.

170
00:07:12,147 --> 00:07:14,381
Could I?

171
00:07:19,788 --> 00:07:20,754
No. Damn it!

172
00:07:26,142 --> 00:07:28,442
Yeah, I mean, I was looking
forward to being a father,

173
00:07:28,511 --> 00:07:32,380
but 500 to 600 goldfish babies?

174
00:07:32,448 --> 00:07:35,049
That's a lot of weight
on one man's shoulders.

175
00:07:35,118 --> 00:07:39,954
I mean, it's probably actually
just an ounce or... or a gram.

176
00:07:40,023 --> 00:07:42,323
Oh, but look. Mike's here. He'll know.

177
00:07:42,959 --> 00:07:47,962
Uh... Uh, Larabee just stopped
by with some pretty bad news.

178
00:07:48,031 --> 00:07:49,864
Uh, Kyle, your mom has passed away.

179
00:07:50,767 --> 00:07:52,833
- What?
- Mandy: Kyle... I'm so sorry.

180
00:07:52,902 --> 00:07:54,301
It's... it's really okay.

181
00:07:54,370 --> 00:07:55,970
I mean, we weren't that close.

182
00:07:56,039 --> 00:07:58,005
Uh, we were, but then we drifted apart.

183
00:07:58,107 --> 00:08:00,207
After I was born.

184
00:08:00,276 --> 00:08:04,011
Well, still, I mean,
y-y-you must be in shock.

185
00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:06,247
Oh, no, not really.
I... I already knew.

186
00:08:06,315 --> 00:08:08,916
It happened, like, three months ago.

187
00:08:09,018 --> 00:08:10,718
What? Why didn't you tell me?

188
00:08:10,787 --> 00:08:13,254
Well, I didn't want to bum everybody out.

189
00:08:13,322 --> 00:08:16,323
Look at your faces.

190
00:08:16,392 --> 00:08:17,458
Kyle, we're in shock.

191
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,493
I-I-I mean, I wish you
would've told us sooner.

192
00:08:19,562 --> 00:08:20,561
We care about you.

193
00:08:20,663 --> 00:08:21,996
Yeah, I could've helped you through this.

194
00:08:22,098 --> 00:08:23,364
I love you.

195
00:08:23,466 --> 00:08:24,432
Look, you guys are the best.

196
00:08:24,534 --> 00:08:25,633
But, really, I'm okay.

197
00:08:26,703 --> 00:08:30,171
Okay, well, I have a pregnant poisson

198
00:08:30,273 --> 00:08:32,473
to go look after, so...

199
00:08:32,542 --> 00:08:33,741
She's French.

200
00:08:35,144 --> 00:08:39,613
If I die, just promise me
you'll make Kyle tell everyone.

201
00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:44,952
I mean, he must be in denial.

202
00:08:45,054 --> 00:08:47,021
He can't really be taking
it this well, can he?

203
00:08:47,123 --> 00:08:49,223
Maybe he takes bad news well.

204
00:08:49,292 --> 00:08:51,759
Might be a good time to tell him...

205
00:08:51,828 --> 00:08:53,894
Mike, no.

206
00:08:56,165 --> 00:08:59,066
We are not telling him he has to move out.

207
00:08:59,135 --> 00:09:00,568
Mike, his mom died.

208
00:09:00,636 --> 00:09:02,369
Yeah, like three months ago.

209
00:09:02,438 --> 00:09:03,370
Oh!

210
00:09:03,439 --> 00:09:06,707



211
00:09:06,776 --> 00:09:07,942
Thanks, Dad.

212
00:09:08,010 --> 00:09:09,276
I'm proud of you, buddy.

213
00:09:09,378 --> 00:09:11,112
Shouldn't you be proud of him every day?

214
00:09:11,214 --> 00:09:12,847
I mean, what kind of parent are you?

215
00:09:12,915 --> 00:09:14,448
I was gonna take him to the park,

216
00:09:14,550 --> 00:09:16,684
but he said he wanted to
try meditation instead.

217
00:09:16,753 --> 00:09:19,954
And he thought his old room would be
full of positive grounded energy.

218
00:09:20,056 --> 00:09:21,922
Hmm. Right.

219
00:09:21,958 --> 00:09:23,491
That sounds like
a 10-year-old boy.

220
00:09:24,660 --> 00:09:27,061
I'm sure it's not because
he has that secret stash

221
00:09:27,163 --> 00:09:28,996
of toy guns and sugar packets.

222
00:09:29,065 --> 00:09:30,498
What?

223
00:09:30,566 --> 00:09:31,732
Oh, you're making that up.

224
00:09:31,834 --> 00:09:32,833
Are you?

225
00:09:33,836 --> 00:09:35,870
Yeah, yeah, you are. It's fine.

226
00:09:35,972 --> 00:09:37,505
I trust Boyd.

227
00:09:37,573 --> 00:09:39,240
Do I?

228
00:09:39,308 --> 00:09:42,443
Well, that was fun to watch.

229
00:09:42,512 --> 00:09:44,632
So, how do you like being
back at your parents' house?

230
00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:46,046
Must be nice to be 11 again.

231
00:09:47,416 --> 00:09:50,951
You know, that is exactly
the kind of witty repartee

232
00:09:51,020 --> 00:09:53,954
I'd expect from an
international man of mystery.

233
00:09:54,023 --> 00:09:56,323
What are you talking about?

234
00:09:56,425 --> 00:10:00,928
Well, Boyd told his friends you work
for the CIA as a spy, not as a janitor

235
00:10:00,997 --> 00:10:02,830
or a human target like I would assume.

236
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,233
Okay, so he made up a story.

237
00:10:06,302 --> 00:10:08,469
And not just any spy, a half-robot spy,

238
00:10:08,538 --> 00:10:10,905
which would explain your social awkwardness

239
00:10:10,973 --> 00:10:13,207
and your obsession with renewable energy.

240
00:10:13,309 --> 00:10:15,910
Look, quit trying to make this
a big deal, because it's not.

241
00:10:16,012 --> 00:10:18,746
Well, I didn't think it was
until you got all defensive.

242
00:10:18,848 --> 00:10:22,183
Now my curiosity has been piqued.

243
00:10:22,285 --> 00:10:23,984
It's nothing, okay?

244
00:10:24,086 --> 00:10:25,447
Boyd doesn't want to say what I do

245
00:10:25,488 --> 00:10:27,354
because he's a little sensitive
about being home-schooled.

246
00:10:27,456 --> 00:10:28,656
It's just a phase. He'll grow out of it.

247
00:10:28,724 --> 00:10:31,492
Or you could just let
him go to real school.

248
00:10:31,594 --> 00:10:33,027
Or how you would say
it in your language...

249
00:10:33,129 --> 00:10:35,796
(Robotic voice) Let
him go to a real school.

250
00:10:35,865 --> 00:10:37,364
You sound just like Kristin.

251
00:10:37,433 --> 00:10:39,333
"Socialization would be good for him,"

252
00:10:39,435 --> 00:10:40,734
and "He really wants to go.

253
00:10:40,837 --> 00:10:42,036
He's not behind anymore."

254
00:10:42,104 --> 00:10:44,024
Look, he's not going back
to public school, okay?

255
00:10:44,106 --> 00:10:45,339
I know what's best for me...

256
00:10:45,441 --> 00:10:46,707
I mean, him.

257
00:10:47,944 --> 00:10:49,944
Just drop it, okay?

258
00:10:50,046 --> 00:10:51,312
(Normal voice) Whoa, sorry.

259
00:10:51,414 --> 00:10:52,847
Didn't mean to hit a nerve.

260
00:10:52,949 --> 00:10:56,016
Just like Boyd did when he made
that dead squirrel twitch.

261
00:10:56,118 --> 00:10:56,618



262
00:11:00,957 --> 00:11:02,790
Hey, hon.

263
00:11:02,859 --> 00:11:04,692
- Uh, where's Kyle?
- I don't know.

264
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:06,727
For once, he's not around
me. Let's not jinx it.

265
00:11:07,864 --> 00:11:10,865
You know, it's strange he never
mentioned that his mom died.

266
00:11:10,967 --> 00:11:14,268
Didn't even go down to the county
clerk's office to settle her affairs.

267
00:11:14,370 --> 00:11:15,703
How do you know?

268
00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:18,606
Because I went down there.

269
00:11:18,674 --> 00:11:21,609
- I can't believe people think you're nosy.
- Yeah.

270
00:11:21,711 --> 00:11:25,045
Well, it turns out his mom
left him an inheritance.

271
00:11:25,114 --> 00:11:27,314
It's a little land and
a trailer near Thornton.

272
00:11:27,383 --> 00:11:29,617
Apparently, she moved there
just before she died, so...

273
00:11:29,719 --> 00:11:31,418
And how did you find that out?

274
00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:32,920
I'm a geologist.

275
00:11:33,022 --> 00:11:34,188
I know how to dig.

276
00:11:35,524 --> 00:11:36,690
No, Chuck's friend told me.

277
00:11:38,594 --> 00:11:39,560
A trailer?

278
00:11:39,662 --> 00:11:41,195
People live in trailers.

279
00:11:41,264 --> 00:11:42,304
Kyle and Mandy are people.

280
00:11:42,431 --> 00:11:43,697
- See where I'm going with this?
- I do.

281
00:11:43,766 --> 00:11:44,698
Hold on a minute.

282
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:45,866
Hey, Kyle, are you still in the garage?

283
00:11:45,968 --> 00:11:46,967
Come inside.

284
00:11:47,036 --> 00:11:48,569
You know, you haven't been this happy

285
00:11:48,604 --> 00:11:50,324
since you found three peanuts in one shell.

286
00:11:50,406 --> 00:11:51,338
(Chuckles)

287
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:52,573
(Door opens)

288
00:11:52,642 --> 00:11:54,074
- Hey. You called, Mr. B.?
- Hey. Come here. Come here.

289
00:11:54,176 --> 00:11:55,896
Yeah, Vanessa's got
some great news for you.

290
00:11:55,945 --> 00:11:58,345
Listen, Kyle, I went down
to the county clerk's office.

291
00:11:58,447 --> 00:11:59,914
Oh, that sounds fun.

292
00:12:00,016 --> 00:12:01,615
My third grade class went
to city hall one time.

293
00:12:01,717 --> 00:12:03,550
We saw an alderman.

294
00:12:03,653 --> 00:12:05,786
He just looked like a
regular man. (Chuckles)

295
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:09,890
Well, uh, Kyle, it turns out your
mom left you an inheritance.

296
00:12:09,992 --> 00:12:11,859
It's land and a trailer.

297
00:12:11,961 --> 00:12:12,960
No, thanks.

298
00:12:13,062 --> 00:12:14,728
W-well, wait, Kyle, Kyle, Kyle. Hold it.

299
00:12:14,830 --> 00:12:17,965
It... it... it's almost an acre, and...
and there's supposed to be woods

300
00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:19,133
and a stream through it.

301
00:12:19,235 --> 00:12:20,267
It could be a nice home for your goldfish.

302
00:12:20,369 --> 00:12:22,202
I said I don't want it, okay?

303
00:12:27,376 --> 00:12:28,976
(Door closes) Wow.

304
00:12:29,078 --> 00:12:30,477
Huh.

305
00:12:30,579 --> 00:12:32,313
I tell him that his mom is dead.

306
00:12:32,415 --> 00:12:33,447
He's okay with that.

307
00:12:33,549 --> 00:12:36,483
You tell him he's got an
inheritance, he gets all snippy.

308
00:12:38,754 --> 00:12:39,820
Maybe it's your tone.

309
00:12:49,277 --> 00:12:51,277
Hey, Mr. Snippy.

310
00:12:51,345 --> 00:12:53,512
You were kind of angry back there.

311
00:12:53,581 --> 00:12:54,747
It's not like you.

312
00:12:54,849 --> 00:12:56,215
I'm sorry about that.

313
00:12:56,284 --> 00:13:00,753
I-I try not to get angry, but whenever
I do, I just... I take those feelings

314
00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:03,622
and I lock them in an
imaginary box in my belly.

315
00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:08,427
Some people call that an ulcer.

316
00:13:10,131 --> 00:13:14,066
Listen, Kyle, I know that
things always weren't the best

317
00:13:14,135 --> 00:13:15,301
between you and your mom.

318
00:13:15,369 --> 00:13:17,269
They were never good.

319
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:20,172
Not that there were a lot.

320
00:13:20,241 --> 00:13:22,007
You have every reason to be angry.

321
00:13:22,076 --> 00:13:23,008
I understand that.

322
00:13:23,077 --> 00:13:25,411
I don't like to get angry.

323
00:13:25,479 --> 00:13:28,180
I-I don't like to open the anger
box more than once a year. Yeah.

324
00:13:28,249 --> 00:13:31,417
July 15th, that's scream day.

325
00:13:31,485 --> 00:13:34,987
My scream day's April 15th.

326
00:13:35,089 --> 00:13:36,088
But I don't hold it in.

327
00:13:36,157 --> 00:13:37,723
I yell about it all year long.

328
00:13:40,061 --> 00:13:44,330
I just don't understand why a parent
wouldn't want to be with their kid.

329
00:13:46,567 --> 00:13:47,666
Me neither.

330
00:13:48,569 --> 00:13:51,409
Hey, you know, maybe your mom thought
she was doing the best for you...

331
00:13:51,439 --> 00:13:55,207
building character by
you being independent.

332
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:58,978
Still, 8 feels early.

333
00:14:01,682 --> 00:14:04,183
8 is early.

334
00:14:04,252 --> 00:14:07,152
I... I feel like with the trailer,
all she's doing is trying to buy off

335
00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:08,387
every crummy thing she did.

336
00:14:08,456 --> 00:14:11,624
And if I accept it, then it's like
saying everything she did was okay.

337
00:14:11,692 --> 00:14:13,592
Yeah.

338
00:14:13,661 --> 00:14:18,030
I mean, when I think about
her, all I can feel is angry.

339
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,172
I'm telling you, Kyle, that
anger's gonna eat you up.

340
00:14:21,202 --> 00:14:22,835
You've got to figure
out a way to let this go.

341
00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:24,803
I don't know how.

342
00:14:24,872 --> 00:14:26,338
(Sighs)

343
00:14:28,042 --> 00:14:29,441
I have an idea.

344
00:14:30,611 --> 00:14:32,511
Kyle. (Keys jingle)

345
00:14:33,714 --> 00:14:34,214



346
00:14:37,852 --> 00:14:39,385
(Door opens)

347
00:14:41,555 --> 00:14:43,188
What are you doing here?

348
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:45,357
Can't you just take up smoking
and hang out at the 7-Eleven

349
00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:47,259
like a decent teenager?

350
00:14:47,328 --> 00:14:51,196
I felt bad about what happened earlier
when I completely humiliated you.

351
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,098
I wasn't humiliated.

352
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:56,335
Okay, look, a year ago, I didn't
know what I was gonna do next,

353
00:14:56,404 --> 00:14:59,071
but you did something for
me that I'll always remember.

354
00:14:59,173 --> 00:15:01,273
Because it was so weird.

355
00:15:01,375 --> 00:15:03,242
You gave me a ukulele.

356
00:15:03,311 --> 00:15:05,144
Eve, we've talked about this.

357
00:15:05,246 --> 00:15:08,681
It's disrespectful to the Hawaiians to
call it anything but oo-koo-lay-lay.

358
00:15:11,719 --> 00:15:14,320
I was trying to get you
to think outside the box.

359
00:15:14,422 --> 00:15:16,355
Oh. (Scoffs)

360
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:18,490
What's this in my backpack?

361
00:15:18,559 --> 00:15:22,494
Oh, well, I'll be darned.

362
00:15:22,563 --> 00:15:25,297
It's the oo-koo-lay-lay
you gave me.

363
00:15:25,366 --> 00:15:27,199
What are you doing?

364
00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:29,935
Thinking outside the box.

365
00:15:30,004 --> 00:15:35,240
Oh, hey, I just, you know, at the top of
my head, came up with a little ditty.

366
00:15:35,343 --> 00:15:37,009
Of course you did.

367
00:15:37,078 --> 00:15:38,977
Don't worry, it's not about you.

368
00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:41,180

 Ryan doesn't know
what to do, do-do 


369
00:15:41,282 --> 00:15:44,016

 Once Boyd's in
sch-oo-oo-oo-ool 


370
00:15:44,118 --> 00:15:45,651

 But doesn't let him go 


371
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:48,620

 And it's turning him into a weirdo 


372
00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:51,824
Just stop.

373
00:15:51,892 --> 00:15:54,293
I should have never given
you that oo-koo-lay-lay.

374
00:15:54,395 --> 00:15:58,030
Look, when you got upset before,
I saw the look in your eye.

375
00:15:58,099 --> 00:16:01,767
It was the same look I had when the
whole plan for my future got wiped out.

376
00:16:01,869 --> 00:16:02,835
I was scared, too.

377
00:16:02,937 --> 00:16:05,604
I'm not scared. Okay?

378
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,172
It's just that when
Boyd goes back to school,

379
00:16:07,241 --> 00:16:09,174
I'm gonna have to figure out
what to do with my entire life,

380
00:16:09,243 --> 00:16:14,012
which is frightening, not scary.

381
00:16:14,115 --> 00:16:18,016
Okay, well, you're smart, you're passionate,
you'll... you'll find something.

382
00:16:18,085 --> 00:16:20,185
I'm pretty sure if you
go look behind your porch,

383
00:16:20,254 --> 00:16:22,121
you're gonna find a
dead squirrel named Dan.

384
00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:24,656
No, we had a funeral for Dan yesterday.

385
00:16:24,725 --> 00:16:28,227
Open shoe box, very touching.

386
00:16:28,295 --> 00:16:29,294
Thanks, Eve.

387
00:16:30,998 --> 00:16:33,565

 Ryan's gonna be okay, kay-kay

388
00:16:33,634 --> 00:16:35,267
Kay-kay,
kay-kay, kay-kay 


389
00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:38,537

 'Cause Eve saved the
day, d-day, d-day, d-day 


390
00:16:38,639 --> 00:16:40,773

 She's so great and awesomely cool 


391
00:16:40,841 --> 00:16:42,408

 And totally
...
 Yeah, okay.

392
00:16:42,977 --> 00:16:45,911



393
00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:56,288
Well...

394
00:16:56,357 --> 00:17:00,359
It's got that lived-in look...

395
00:17:00,428 --> 00:17:01,927
Just died-in look.

396
00:17:03,764 --> 00:17:04,696
Wow.

397
00:17:04,799 --> 00:17:06,331
You know, nothing has changed.

398
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:07,866
Really?

399
00:17:07,935 --> 00:17:10,068
Well, I mean, the inside hasn't changed.

400
00:17:10,171 --> 00:17:12,104
Outside used to be Missouri.

401
00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:17,309
What are we doing here, Mr. B.?

402
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:19,111
Here.

403
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:21,880
Swing that.

404
00:17:21,982 --> 00:17:23,415
Come on, break something.

405
00:17:23,517 --> 00:17:25,217
Hit a cabinet or a light or something.

406
00:17:25,319 --> 00:17:26,518
What do you mean?

407
00:17:26,620 --> 00:17:27,853
You said you were angry?

408
00:17:27,955 --> 00:17:30,889
Punch something, hit something,
maybe start with that little animal

409
00:17:30,958 --> 00:17:32,491
poking through that hole down there.

410
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:34,960
I don't want to smash everything.

411
00:17:35,062 --> 00:17:36,862
She obviously just cleaned.

412
00:17:39,233 --> 00:17:40,532
You said you're angry.

413
00:17:40,634 --> 00:17:42,167
This is a good way to let it out.

414
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:57,483
You know, I gave her this.

415
00:18:00,187 --> 00:18:02,588
I can't believe she
kept it all these years.

416
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:06,859
Well, it must have meant something to her.

417
00:18:06,927 --> 00:18:09,127
Like this lovely
collection of vodka bottles.

418
00:18:11,031 --> 00:18:15,567
I'm sorry, Mr. B., but I don't
want to smash any of this stuff.

419
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:19,471
Kyle, look, I never met your mom,
but if she's anything like you,

420
00:18:19,573 --> 00:18:22,307
I'm sure she thought she was
doing the best she could.

421
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:24,376
You think?

422
00:18:25,546 --> 00:18:26,678
I know.

423
00:18:26,747 --> 00:18:28,714
Look, she got this grease
fire out real quick.

424
00:18:31,051 --> 00:18:34,219
Maybe she was, but I
still don't feel right

425
00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:36,488
about keeping this trailer or the land.

426
00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:39,091
Look at it this way.

427
00:18:39,193 --> 00:18:42,427
She bought this land and brought
this trailer here to be near you.

428
00:18:42,530 --> 00:18:43,662
She didn't give this to your brother.

429
00:18:43,764 --> 00:18:45,197
She gave it to you.

430
00:18:45,299 --> 00:18:48,400
So in her way, I think she felt
like she owed you something.

431
00:18:49,270 --> 00:18:52,771
So it's not really a bribe, but
it's more like an apology.

432
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,641
Not a good one, but, yeah.

433
00:18:55,709 --> 00:18:59,912
So if I keep it, what should I do with it?

434
00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:01,613
This is actually a nice piece of land here.

435
00:19:01,715 --> 00:19:03,475
You got the little
stream running down there.

436
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:06,785
You get the shopping carts
out, not a bad spot.

437
00:19:06,887 --> 00:19:09,955
It would be nice to build something
of my own, you know? There you go.

438
00:19:10,024 --> 00:19:14,226
Build yourself a house, with
a family that you deserve.

439
00:19:14,328 --> 00:19:16,228
Yeah, I'd like that.

440
00:19:16,330 --> 00:19:19,498
What should I do with the trailer?

441
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,433
I'd finish that grease fire.

442
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:24,469
I think your mom would
have wanted it that way.

443
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:51,922
Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man.

444
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,056
All right, listen up.

445
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:56,960
If you're a perfect parent, I
want you to raise your hand.

446
00:19:57,062 --> 00:19:59,329
I can't see you, so if
you're doing it, good.

447
00:19:59,431 --> 00:20:02,933
Okay, now if you're a
unicorn, raise your hoof.

448
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,301
I'm serious.

449
00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:08,739
If we're being honest here, that
little experiment ended in a 0-0 tie.

450
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:11,241
You know why that is?

451
00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:15,012
Because none of us are perfect parents,
and none of us had perfect parents.

452
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:19,650
And for that, the brewers and distillers
of America are very grateful.

453
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:23,320
(Fake crying) I hate my life.

454
00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:24,888
(Normal voice) But you
know what warms your belly

455
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,123
even more than a shot of bourbon?

456
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:30,561
Two shots of bourbon... with
a chaser of forgiveness.

457
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:34,198
Now, remember, most parents are
just doing the best they can.

458
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:38,235
Which, let's face it, for a lot
of people, is pretty God-awful.

459
00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:41,572
But staying mad at them doesn't
hurt anyone but yourself.

460
00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:45,943
Saint Augustine said, "Resentment
is like taking poison

461
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:48,178
and hoping the other person dies."

462
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:49,813
Wise words.

463
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,248
And easy for him to say.

464
00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:52,471
I sat next to him in school.

465
00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:55,185
His mother told him she
loved him all the time.

466
00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:58,255
She always would look at him and
say, "You're such a saint."

467
00:20:58,305 --> 00:21:02,855
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